After reading a lot on spirituality and about looking inward I finally decided” Alright I am going to do what they say…look within..I don’t know what I supposed to find but I really hope this works”…and so a little skeptical at first and a little scared I started meditating by putting aside 5 minutes a day. With just 10-15 mins of meditation during my first week I could feel the difference in my temperament. Then I got hooked and kept going because I didn’t want to give up that peaceful feeling. Before I started meditating, I was holding all that stress in and just rushing from one thing to the next. I wasn’t really taking time to give my mind a break. I used to go to bed with all the anxiety still on my mind and not getting a restful sleep. Getting through the week was rough and I would wait until the weekend to relax and unwind. But by the time I got to the weekend I was super stressed and any amount of relaxing didn’t work. Although I was relaxing on the outside, on the inside my mind was still hyper active. And as a result of all of this I was more cranky and frustrated.
Now I like to “take the trash out every day”. Morning meditation helps me to relax and center myself. And the evening meditation helps me to let go of all the stress of the day and sleep with peace in my heart. Now my energy level is up. I am much slower in getting upset. I have more clarity in my thoughts and the strange thing is I find myself noticing my actions and correcting myself! Its as if I was blind before and didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I kept repeating unhealthy behavior without even realizing it. Now I know right away when that restless feeling shows up and I immediately banish it with prayer or deep breaths and just letting go of whatever is bothering me. I am consciously choosing to stay in that place of peace. I find myself making healthy choices and stepping away from anything that is not nourishing my soul. Now I just want to be in the present moment and not have my mind chasing things that are in the future or getting stuck on anything from my past.
I am proud to report I have had fewer meltdowns in the past 4 months which to me is pretty amazing. Yes there have been moments when my patience has been tested but instead of getting confrontational or defensive my focus is more on conflict resolution and moving forward. Getting angry would mean bringing all that trash back into my heart and I don’t want that.I am still work in progress but I am glad that these days when other people squeeze my patience there is less of anger and more of patience coming out :)-
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