I have heard it a million times before- it’s important to forgive those who hurt us. But I felt that if I forgive them then I was saying, “if you hurt me, its ok! I will still be kind to you although you treated me horribly and caused confusion, shock and pain”. And so forgiving people just didn’t feel right to me! But the thing is, when you refuse to learn your lesson, the Universe has a funny way of tossing the same personality type’s and situations at you until you finally get it. Well that’s exactly what happened to me. A month ago I was caught off guard by an incident that triggered the pattern all over again. It felt like I had been punched in the gut. Despite my hurt and pain all I kept hearing on the inside was, “Forgive and move on”. But instead of listening to the guidance I was receiving I started arguing,” It wasn’t my fault. I don’t understand why I should forgive. Alright?! Convince me and maybe I will think about it.”
Sigh! The convincing started sooner than I expected. My face book newsfeed was flooded with messages on forgiveness. From quotes posted by my friends to messages from Dr. Wayne Dyers page etc. At first I thought it was a coincidence. Then I turned on the radio to my usual channel. Topic of discussion-Forgiveness. I quickly turned it off. I avoided Facebook and radio for a couple of days and instead switched to reading. I picked a random page and it turned out to be a whole chapter on forgiveness. The whole Universe, well at least my little Universe, was on a mission to convince me to forgive. But instead of feeling ready I just felt cornered.
In the meantime, I found out Dr. Wayne Dyer was going to be in a near by city as the key note speaker at a weekend spiritual retreat. Excited at the opportunity to see him in person, I drove through terrible traffic on a Friday night and showed up at the beautiful civic center where he had already started his talk . I grabbed a seat and started listening to him intently. At one point in his talk, he asked all of us to point at ourselves, then to turn around and look at other people and notice the positioning of their finger. All fingers were pointed towards each person’s heart and not their head. In that moment I realized something very deep and profound. We all speak the language of our heart not our intellect. Our heart is the core of our being. And the most powerful emotion expressed by our heart is love which binds us all.
God is Love and Love is God. Love is present in everyone’s heart. I realized, in that big civic center with so many people around me, I was in the presence of God. Dr. Dyer went on to say when someone asked Mother Teresa how should could love the poor and destitute people she said,” I see Jesus in His most distressing disguise”. Although I had read her quote several times in the past, when I was sitting there watching all those people do the exact same thing in unison something shifted inside of me and her words took on a whole new meaning. So why has it been so hard for me to forgive? If I saw God is present in us why haven’t I forgiven those who hurt me? Instead of a list of reasons why I couldn’t forgive all I heard was, ” If you are serious about spirituality and about connecting to yourself, you need to get rid of all thoughts that come between you and the peace of God that is in you. Because any thought that separates you from such a union is not from God.” I was quiet, trying to grasp the meaning of what I just heard when I realized, I need to forgive to heal from the hurt and pain. By healing I was bridging the gap between me and the peace of God that is in me. And every time I took one more step to close the gap, I was being surrounded by unconditional love for myself as I slowly walked away from negative emotions such as fear, anger, pain or hatred. Right then, the Universe had me exactly where it needed me to be, that is – ready to forgive.
©2014, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved