Soul Food

There was a time when my prayers to God consisted nothing but a long list of complaints and a bigger list of what I wanted to see happen in order to make those problems go away. And then I would go back to Him and complain even more when most of the things I wanted didn’t happen and something else would, like something I hadn’t thought about or least expected. Some of these “prayers” to God were angry ranting’s of mostly demanding to know why? or doubting God didn’t love me enough to grant me what I wanted or He is a tyrant God who is out to punish me for some karmic imbalance in another life.

But as I grew older and had some things happen to me, I realized that there was a bigger power out there that was way beyond my minds ability to comprehend. A Supreme Intelligence that moved things around in my life which I couldn’t have possibly done or have control over. A pair of invisible hands was always safely guiding me out of situations in a way that I came out of it better off than before. I quit crying over lost opportunities and people. I  stopped thinking bad stuff happened to me. Instead I realized that in these moments of greatest hardships in my life I had found God.  He had brought me through more than once and I learnt a lot about Him in those dark moments. From then on my prayers to God changed completely. Rumi’s words come to mind, “Ask God for love not for life, ask God for soul food not for bread.” Before, prayer time was a few minutes of bowed head with a mind reeling with stress about things that weren’t falling into place and asking for this and that. Now my prayers are conversations with God. I talk to Him through out my day. I praise Him constantly and thank Him for all the things He has done for me. When I express gratitude I am reminded of His faithfulness and  experience God’s love for me. I meditate and allow myself to feel His peace and listen to Him.

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I agree because God is a God of great detail and very intelligent. Look at nature and you will see that it is self sustaining. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you have to remember to breath or worry if your organs know what to do? Do you realize your body is an intelligent system and it is so complex and fascinating that some parts of it is still a subject of lot of research? How could someone that made you with such great planning, love and care could possibly gamble with your life or have plans to make you suffer? Despite much evidence of His love for us when hardships come, we forget what God has done for us and we complain,” Why is God making me suffer ?” From my personal experience I know that God wouldn’t allow anything to happen if there wasn’t  a reason for it.

When I was going through the hardship I didn’t see the purpose of that suffering. When I look back on my life I can see why those set backs happened. They put me on the path where I am today which is where He wanted me to be. I have learnt to trust Him regardless of the situation because I have realized that He has equipped us with the ability to overcome any hardships that come our way. So I do my part and surrender to His will by turning the situation over to Him because that is where difficulties rightfully belong- in His hands.Like Joel Osteen says, “God is my redeemer , promise  keeper, way maker, vindicator.” I love what Akiane said when she was just 10, “I think I am a little butterfly and God is covering me with both His hands and protecting me, keeping me safe. I really like Him. He is everything I got. When I think of that I get a really good feeling. He is in every poem that I write and in every painting that I paint.” Beautiful words indeed. As I continue to walk on my path, I have learnt to allow nothing but His love nourish my soul and give me the strength to keep moving forward in faith 🙂
 ©2014, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved
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