Self Love

I thought this quotes was worth sharing. I need a reminder once in a while to take care of myself first and let everything else be.

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”- Charles Chaplin

©2016, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved

The right kind of Love

20151226_114043 (1)A friend of mine recently asked me how does it feel like to be with a man after staying single for a long time.

My response,” it feels great because my husband is a wonderful man . He is very kind, patient, loving and forgiving. I am beginning to understand what a healthy relationship feels like and what its like to be loved.”

Isn’t marriage supposed to be like that  you might wonder. So whats the big deal you might ask. Well the thing is after being in an abusive marriage many years ago my self worth and self confidence had eroded quiet a bit. I was strong enough to walk away from my ex husband and file for divorce. I was able to pick myself up and start afresh. Working with abused women and other social causes helped me heal slowly over a period of time . But when it came to relationships fear paralyzed me and I was scared to even think about marrying again. I had severe trust issues. Many years later when I started socializing and met some really nice guys who were my good friends I slowly started to realize that not all men are bad and there is still a chance that I might find love.

Although dating came with its own challenges specially when you are trying to meet someone online I already knew what I didn’t want. I guess when you know what you don’t want its easy to weed out the bad stuff until you get to what you want and you are able to recognize the real thing when it shows up. I believe this is what happened with me. There was plenty of pressure from family and friends to find a guy and settle down soon. But I had experienced what it was like to be in a relationship with the wrong person  and I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. I had already lost precious years of my life because of one bad choice. I wasn’t going down that road again.

And it wasn’t easy but eventually I found the courage to walk away from bad choices.Dating is a very stressful process. I went on some really bad dates and I started to feel like maybe there was something wrong with me because of which I was attracting guys who were just not right for me or maybe all the good guys were taken and there was no one out there for me. I was plagued by fear, doubt and I felt lost. I started losing faith and wondering if I was going to ever experience love, get married  again and have a wonderful family.

Many bad dates later I came to a point where I took a break from dating and did a  lot of soul searching and  I realized that the only person that can really love me like no other was me. I am my own cheer leader and I always will be.There was nothing or no one out there that will fill the void I felt in my heart except me. I needed to have a loving and healthy relationship with myself first before I could have that kind of relationship with someone else.Besides if I am not happy with myself when I am alone it didn’t matter if I had the right person around me, I would probably still be unhappy. And this realization came over a period of time in bits and pieces but when it did it started a slow process of healing and self discovery.

I started to accept and  forgive myself. I let go of my past and stopped worrying about things I had no control over. I slowly learnt to focus on the present moment,on being happy and enjoying life doing things that mattered to me. Meditation, listening to uplifting videos, getting physically active, writing all of these activities and many other helped me heal. In short I chose to flex my spiritual muscles and practiced mindfulness. Emotional well being and mental health got priority over everything else. It still is.

And just when I was busy having a good time my current husband walked into my life and things just fell into place. We do get on each others nerves sometimes but at the end of the day anger, fear, resentment, doubt are never allowed to stay. Love always supersedes everything else and forgiveness follows. When I look back and think of all those years I spent hanging on to hurt and pain from a broken abusive marriage, all that self doubt and fear I wish I had let go of it sooner. I guess back then I wasn’t ready to look within but once I was ready healing followed quickly. Once I learnt to love myself and be myself nothing but goodness came out of it.

The following lyrics from my favorite song pretty much says it all,”I set out on a narrow way many years ago. Hoping I would find true love along the broken road. But I got lost a time or two. Wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn’t see  how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars. Pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true. That God bless the broken road that led me straight to you”- Lyrics from Bless the broken road by Rascal Flatts

©2015, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved

Changes and butterflies

If nothing changed there would be no butterflies- Walt Disney

Just saw this quote today and I thought what a wonderful way to look at changes.Transition is not easy. It is physically and mentally draining. Over the years I had to cope with changes that came with losing loved ones to illness,  moving to a different country, finishing school, changing jobs, apartments and cities, relationship changes, and had to start afresh several times. Through it all I have learnt to do the following-

  1. Develop healthy coping mechanisms – My inability to cope has caused much emotional turmoil and physical illness in the past. After several years of stumbling around blinded by pain I turned to scriptures looking for answers and trying to find meaning and purpose for it all. Some of my questions were answered some not but I am sure the answers will come in time. Perhaps I am not ready yet. But it brought me much peace and understanding and so now I pray, meditate and read  positive, uplifting books, work out, listen to uplifting tapes or videos. I literally pump positive words into my soul everyday  and sometimes all day.
  2.  Speaking out– Instead of just internalizing my emotions out of fear of judgment I learnt to let it out by writing in my journal, speaking to friends and family, sharing my experiences as a mentor. The more I shared the more I realized that every emotion I felt was normal. There was nothing wrong with me. And with that understanding I learnt to accept and love myself more.  My sharing also encouraged others to share and brought much healing to us all.
  3. Cope with my fears– The more I resisted change it I felt like I was stopping things from coming into my life because of my fears. Slowly I began to notice that the things I feared never really happened. They were just projections of an anxious mind and  were not REAL. So I started to get hopeful and excited about the possibilities headed my way. Whether good or bad, experiences are the fabric of life that weave a colorful and beautiful story over time.  I learnt to accept change without fear and embrace it with open arms.
  4. Keep my sense of humor alive – I learnt to believe that no matter what happens its all good. Whatever it was at least I got a story out of it! I got some good material to share for some fun moments with friends 🙂
  5. Understand that change is constant– I guess we get comfortable with routine and a certain predictability in life. But when I look back the only thing that was really predictable was change! I am not living a life I planned. Life planned changes that brought me to this place  where I am today.
  6. Change is necessary – Some changes  were easy some not but they were all necessary so I can grow emotionally and spiritually. Having understood this it was easy to let go of the hurt and pain. I felt lighter, more free  and ready for my next adventure in life.
  7. Be patient- It takes time for things to fall into place. It is not easy while you are waiting for your dreams to come true or healing from pain. Whenever I got anxious it didn’t really help. It would block my mind.I couldn’t think clearly and couldn’t see possibilities in front of me. Once I learnt to cope with changes better, patience slowly followed. I learnt to enjoy my life and stay in that place of peace while life continued to unfold around me slowly leading me to where I am supposed to be.
  8. Control my reaction- I had no power or control over situations or people. The only thing I can control is my reaction. So I learnt to look at the big picture, forgive myself for getting upset, change my thoughts from negative to positive, learn to look at the bright side in every situation, pray, meditate and take good care of myself. In other words I put myself first. everything else came later. My mental health became my priority and it still is.

Looking back I am grateful for all the changes because they have made me the person I am today. I know I am morphing into a beautiful butterfly 🙂

©2015, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved

Note to myself

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I have been getting these thoughts so I just need to write them down.

So here you go-

  1. Instead of thinking of the worst thing possible think of all the great things that can happen. Change your thoughts’ vibration.
  2. Forget about if you will be successful or not. If this is what you want to do make sure your heart is in it. Success will follow
  3. Fear is the root of all misery including insecurities. Just let it go.
  4. Take a deep breath and let it all go. Between breaths there is a moment of peace where there is love, harmony and contentment
  5. Try to come from that place of love and peace instead of anxiety and fear
  6. Nothing is impossible. Its all in your mind. Your world is full of infinite possibilities. You just need to see it and tap into it
  7. You are well able. Learn to trust, have faith and believe in yourself.
  8. You are perfect the way you are. Just keep on being who you are.
  9. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just follow your own path. Nurture your talent and skills and keep expressing yourself.
  10. The goal is to do what you know best and to excel at it without fear but with love
  11. Let your creative energies flow and feel the magic
  12. There is much healing in allowing things to flow and embracing what comes your way

©2015, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved

 

 

 

 

 

Self love-Changing yourself from the inside out

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I have written about self love in the past. But recently I heard of someone going through some personal struggles and this subject came up again for discussion.

How easy it is to be lost in the mundane things in life

How easy it to lose yourself in worries and struggles of day to day life

Do you know how valuable you are?

Do you realize how trivial those worries are?

So what if others don’t appreciate you?

Do you appreciate who you are?

God already made you beautiful inside and out

God must hurt to see you turning a blind eye to His masterpiece that is YOU

Take the time to reflect within

Take the time to see the beauty inside of you

You are already complete and divine

You are enough

Let all your fears wash away for there is nothing to fear

God has you in the palm of His hand

His Love is already in your life

Open your heart to feel His Love

You are guided and protected at all times

Sometimes by your loved ones, sometimes your intuition, sometimes by strangers who show up at the right time

By worrying you are subjecting your mind to much violence

Some amount of worry is normal

But when it consumes you whole

Stop and ask yourself,”Is it worth worrying all the time?”

Living in fear is a choice

Hope is alive in every situation

Choose to live in Hope every minute, every hour of your day

Seek healing in prayer and in nature

Seek healing in creativity

Seek healing in helping others

So many ways to love yourself and to be surrounded by love

Why do you choose fear and anxiety?

Let go

Choose Love

Change how you feel inside

And when you do

You will live an abundant life forever

“There is great change to be experienced once you learn the power of letting go. Stop allowing anyone or anything to control, limit, repress or discourage you from being your true self! Today is YOURS to shape-own it-break free from people and things the poison and dilute your spirit.”- Steve Maraboli

©2015, Vani Murthy. All rights reserved